SEARCHING
: Initiating a Search (for adoptees):
The information gathering phase
Part 2 of:
Shea's Search Series: The Definitive Guide to
Self-Empowered Adoptee Search
Reprinted by permission
These steps are specifically for those who
are adopted and searching for their birthfamilies,
although there is general information that
should help everyone. If any of you would
like to contribute specific information for
birthparents searching for adoptees, please
contact me (Shea Grimm, sheag@oz.net),
and we can arrange for that topic to be addressed
in a separate post.
Throughout this post are some pointers to
international search resources. Those of you
with specific knowledge on searching outside
of the U.S are encouraged to contact me (Shea
Grimm, sheag@oz.net) so that I may
include your information in future versions
of this post. This is to be considered a work
in progress, and comments and suggestions
are welcome
SEARCHING : Initiating a Search
(for adoptees):
The information gathering phase
So you've decided to search. Perhaps you decided
overnight, or maybe it took years, but you've
made the decision. New searchers are now faced
with perhaps one of the most difficult stages
in the search process; the beginning. Hopefully
the information contained within this post will
help you new searchers to organize and prepare,
and to lay the foundation for a successful search.
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STEP ONE: Buy a journal, a
three-ring binder or dig up a clean notebook.
Write down everything you know about yourself
and your adoption. Where were you born? What
hospital? What state were you adopted in? What
county? What province? What country? Was your
adoption handled privately, or was there an
agency involved? Do you know anything about
your birthparents? Rumors, perhaps, or stories
overheard from family members? Do you have a
copy of your birth certificate? Don't worry
if you don't have the answers to even one of
these questions. Write down what you know, even
if it seems insignificant. Then, start asking
questions. Your adoptive parents are the best
place to start, whenever possible. A later post
will cover telling friends and family about
the decision to search, as well as making the
decision itself, if you are having difficulty
in that area. Ask your relatives, talk to the
family lawyer, and the family doctor. Carry
your notebook with you wherever you go. I am
continually amazed at the number of searchers
who contact me with vital bits of information
written on the back of envelopes, stray scraps
of paper, and napkins, all loosely falling out
of a torn manila folder. Write down everything
you find out in your notebook.
It is also important to learn not to be too
forthcoming with the reasons for your questions.
I advocate honesty with your family, but when
speaking to lawyers, doctors, clerks, librarians,
or adoption professionals, it is preferable
to maintain that you are asking the questions
out of general curiousity, if they know you're
adopted; or because you're doing 'genealogical
research' if they do not know, and do not need
to know, that you are adopted. There is NOTHING
illegal about searching. There is no state or
country that, to my knowledge, has outlawed
searching for your birthparents. Don't allow
anyone to tell you otherwise. Nonetheless, there
are still some people who will judge you for
your actions. If these same people are individuals
who have information that might assist you,
it is to your advantage not to give them the
information that will allow them to make their
ill-informed and irrelvant presumptions.
At this point, you are trying to assemble a
picture and to identify where the gaps are.
Don't be surprised or discouraged if you come
away from your inquiries with only a few bits
of information. That may be enough. The goal
is to thoroughly question everyone in your immediate
family and whomever else may have been involved
in your adoption. If an agency was involved,
make note of it, as you will be contacting them
in the future. When making your inquiries, especially
with your family, it is usually best to start
out gently, although each person will be best
equipped to gauge their family's particular
quirks and will know the best approach to take.
If you feel uncomfortable asking directly and
stating upfront your reasons for the questions,
use an opportunity such as an evening conversation
about medical problems or diseases to ask your
parents if they know anything about your medical
history. If you don't know at what age you came
to your adoptive family, or if there was a foster
family in between, use a discussion about the
habits of your new baby to ask 'did I sleep
through the night by this age?', etc. This approach
works not only to lay a foundation instead of
hitting your family all at once, but it can
also help you to gather the most complete information
possible. Your family may have information but
not think of it as important or 'identifying'.
Getting this information out of them will go
more smoothly if you ask questions in a variety
of ways, in a variety of different settings
and circumstances.
It is extremely important to RESIST the temptation
to follow up on 'leads' at this point. You are
only gathering information. Attempting to follow
through with any fragments you receive immediately
will only result in a scattered and disorganized
search.
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STEP TWO: Read the adoption
laws for the state, country, or region in which
you were adopted. In some states and countries,
an adoptee has access to certain documents and
information about their adoption. Online, you
can read the actual laws for some states at
my Website
, or you can read an up to date synopsis of
all state laws
here .
Also of use are the
alt.adoption FAQs. Originally created by
Jeff Hartung, these FAQs were maintained by
Rosemarie Ventura and were then taken over by
the administrators of the Usenet newsgroup,
soc.adoption.adoptees, and should be read thoroughly.
They are out of date in some places. If you
have any reason to believe that you may have
Native American blood, or even if you don't
have any reason to believe it, read the Indian
Child Welfare Act of 1978. This may come
in useful to you if you decide to
petition the court at a later date.
See Step Three for further pointers to international
resources.
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STEP THREE : Apply for a clean
copy of your birth certificate. Even if you
have one, it's a good idea to apply for a fresh
copy solely for your 'search' file. The birth
certificate you receive will in all likelihood
be your 'amended' birth certificate. That means
that certain information on the birth certificate
will be altered from the original. Your adoptive
parents names will appear as your mother and
father, and other information may have been
changed. Usually, but certainly not always,
the place of birth is accurate. This copy of
your certificate may also include the name of
the doctor who delivered you, and other important
clues that will be discussed later.
Online, if your search is in the U.S., you
can check out where to write for vital
records. Family Tree Maker also offers a
listing
of all US vital records address, policies, and
prices, indexed by state. If your search
is in another country, try this excellent page
of genealogical resources, maintained by the
Jewish
Genealogical Society of Rochester. There,
you can find where to write for records in over
a dozen countries, including Canada, Austrailia,
Poland, Germany, and the Russian republics.
The Vital Records Information site also offers
a page of < a href="http://vitalrec.com/links.html">
links to foreign countries vital records information.
Also, I have posted a document written by Harold
Wilkins and Duke Henry for UK and
Irish adoptees that discusses where to
write for your records. Records in these locales
are generally open to adult adoptees.
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STEP FOUR: Register with International
Soundex Reunion Registry. The largest reunion
registry in the world is free, but donations
are STRONGLY encouraged. This is a passive registry,
which means that no one will use the information
you give them to actively search for the other
person(s), but if the other party has registered
also, information about you will be given to
them, and vice versa. ISRR uses a database to
make computer matches based on similar or matching
information.
International Soundex Reunion Registry
P.O. Box 2312
Carson City, NV 89701
(702) 882-7755
(Send a self-addressed, stamped envelope for
a registration form)
Canadians should *also* register with Parent
Finders.
Parent Finders of Canada, National HQ
Mrs. Joan Vanstone, National Director
3998 Bayridge Avenue
W. Vancouver, BC V7V 3J5
tel: (604) 926-1096
fax: (604) 926-2037
You might be asking at this point, What about
ALMA? Whether you join ALMA or any other organization
that charges money for search information and
a registry is completely up to you. ALMA is
fairly well-known, and thus, it's pssible that
your birthrelatives are registered. However,
it is my personal opinion that ALMA, and most
other paid registries and search services are
not worth the money that they charge.
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STEP FIVE: Find a local search
and support group and join. To find one, look
through your local yellow pages, browse the
bulletin boards at your library, post a note
to alt.adoption, and read the list of local
search and support groups contained within the
alt.adoption FAQ's. A search and support group
can be valuable for a number of reasons. First
off, if you can attend a search and support
group in the area of your search, you will be
in contact with people who may have unique insight
or knowledge of 'tricks' particular to your
state or area of search, but even if you attend
a group outside of your search area, you will
be forming contacts with searchers in many different
phases of search. You can learn from their mistakes,
thus making your own search easier. In addition,
sometimes it is helpful to connect with others
who are going through this unique experience.
At times, you might feel alone, even if your
family is supportive, it is difficult for those
who are not adopted, or who are not searching
or interested in searching,to fully understand.
Along these same lines, you might consider joining
an online mailing list. The Adoptee's Internet
mailing list is dedicated to search and reunion.
You can find out more at the AIML Website.
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STEP SIX: Go to the library!!
There are a number of excellent search handbooks
that can prepare you for the road ahead. Again,
read through these books thoroughly, take notes,
but resist the temptation to get ahead of yourself
until you have finished the information gathering
phase. In addition to search books, there are
several books on being adopted, on reunions,
and about and by birthmothers. A comprehensive
book list has been compiled for the FAQ's for
soc.adoption.adoptees. All of the FAQ's are
kept at
Kevin McCarty's Website. I strongly recommend
three particular books dealing with being adopted
and closed adoptions.
"Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self",
Brodzinsky, Schechter, and Henig. 213p. 1992
"Lost & Found: The Adoption Experience",
B J Lifton. 320p. 1988. Har-Row
"Adoption Triangle, The: Sealed or Opened Records:
How They Affect Adoptees, Birthparents &
Adoptive Parents", Sorosky, Pannor &
Baran 2nd ed. 237p. 1989. Corona Pub.
With regard to search handbooks, I recommend
the following:
"Adoption Searchbook, The: Techniques For Tracing
People" 3rd Edition. Mary Jo Rillera. 224p.
1993. Triadoption
"Search - A Handbook for Adoptees and Birthparents",
3rd Edition. Jayne Askin. 1998. Oryx
"How to Find Almost Anyone Anywhere" by
Norma Mott Tillman
Online, in addition to several pointers located
throughout this post, there are a number of
helpful places to further your education about
search and reunion issues. Links to several
of these resources can be found at my Website
at http://www.plumsite.com/shea/,
and within the soc.adoption.adoptees FAQs.
Now you're ready! You have started a journal
and hopefully have a few pieces of information
gleaned from your birth certificate, your family,
and other parties. You are familiar with the
adoption laws for the state, province, or country
in which you were adopted, and you have joined
a search and support group for continuing support
and help when you get stuck. You have registered
with ISRR, and are so well-read on the subject
of search and reunion that you could write a
book yourself. Well, maybe not quite, but you
should feel confident about the steps ahead.
Again, resist the temptation to get ahead of
yourself. While reading this post or the books
mentioned above, you may start asking yourself,
but what about calling the agency? What about
my hospital records? What about non-ID? You
may feel the urge to contact the agency, contact
the hospital, hire a searcher, or just open
up the phone book and start calling everyone
with the last name of your birthfamily, if you
know it. DON'T DO IT. It's important to try
and fully prepare and assemble a journal and
gather some basic information before proceeding
to the next step. This serves several purposes.
One is that an organized search is a successful
search. You reduce the risk of contacting the
wrong people, or of being indiscreet in the
course of your inquiries. Some of the information
you receive in these first inquiries will be
patently false, or partially incorrect. As you
get further, you will be able to form a more
accurate picture, and discard information that
is obviously incorrect or doesn't seem to 'fit'.
Secondly, a 'runaway' search can lead to 'runaway'
emotions. Searching can be emotionally draining
and a slow, realistic, focused approach to searching
will translate into a more centered and focused
'you'. Lastly, if you do decide to complete
your search through a paid searcher, volunteer,
or intermediary, the more complete and accurate
the information that you have been able to gather
is, the easier and quicker it will be to find,
and the cheaper the cost. Don't worry! We'll
get to the nitty gritty soon enough.
So how long will this take? Well, each search
is different. It may just take a few days for
you to complete the steps I've outlined above,
or it may take as long as a year. It will be
difficult sometimes to remain patient, at other
times you may go months without thinking or
acting on your search. Go at your own pace and
don't set timetables.
Further posts will cover contacting the agency
or court through which you were adopted, obtaining
non-identifying information, obtaining further
documents related to your adoption, and following
up on leads.
Special thanks to Apollonia Ajyset and Liam
Quinn for their input on this post.
This post was authored by Shea Grimm, sheag@oz.net,
except where otherwise indicated. It may be
copied and distributed freely, in whole or in
part, as long as it is not sold, and as long
as this notice is kept intact.
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