Parenting has often been called the most
complex profession. It becomes even more so
when the family includes a child who has been
adopted. This is true whether the child is
an infant, has special needs, or is of a different
race or ethnic background. Adoptive parent
groups help parents share, understand, and
manage these complexities. Whether it's general
support, such as enduring the adoption waiting
period, or specific advice, such as traveling
to an unfamiliar country to receive a child,
adoptive parent groups have unparalleled value.
What Adoptive Parent
Groups Can Do for You
In the following comments, prospective adoptive
parents and adoptive parents attest to the
wide range of benefits.
Adoptive Parent Groups Provide Educational
and Social Activities
"We talked with other families and learned
about topics ranging from Korean culture
to sexual acting out. These sessions were
not only educational, but great social get-togethers
as well, with hot chocolate and popcorn.
These were opportunities to get to know
one another, hear each other's kids' stories,
and learn of their progress."
Adoptive Parent Groups Can Lead to the Formation
of a Play Group
"As each mother arrived with a child or
children, there was a buzz of excitement
as the mothers asked names, country of birth,
and age. Standing around our darlings as
they invaded the toy box, the four of us
were mesmerized with the scene of commonality
of the children's height, their playfulness,
and their Latin American cuteness."
"Once the children were settled into playing,
we chatted and chatted about so many topics
all dealing with adoption, or Latin culture
issues—we shared stories, our older
children's conversations, and our own observations.
It was like a flood of topics needing to
emerge from each of us that we sometimes
forgot the toddlers until there was a yell
or a tugging at a toy."
Adoptive Parent Groups Can Bring Comfort
in the Form of a Newsletter
"Your newsletter has been a real source
of support for us. We have lived in Arizona
for a year and a half now, and we still
very much miss a strong, supportive parent
group."
Adoptive Parent Groups Can Provide Examples
of the Problems and Pleasures of Parenting
a Child With Special Needs
"One thing that makes adopting a child
with special needs easier is the encouragement
and advice that you get from other group
members whose children have experienced
the same or almost similar emotional/behavior
problems."
Adoptive Parent Groups Can Be Supportive
to Prospective Adoptive Parents While They
Wait for Their Child
"Our group is unique in many ways, but
mainly because we are like a family. Our
children range from infants to teenagers,
and some families join us to just endure
the `wait' until their child arrives."
Adoptive Parent Groups Can Provide Guidance
for Prospective Adoptive Parents Planning
Intercountry Adoption
"One woman we spoke with provided us with
a diary of her trip, giving the sequence
of steps. This was invaluable despite the
minor changes we encountered. The more we
learned from other adoptive parents, the
better we felt about our impending trip
into the unknown."
Prospective adoptive parents have much to
gain from the experience of adoptive parents,
who can advise them on how to deal with agencies
on issues of licensure, home studies, and
fees. Talking with adoptive families can expose
them to the potential difficulties of parenting.
It can also reveal the successes and joys.
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History of Adoptive
Parent Groups
The first formal adoptive parent group started
in the New York City metropolitan area in
1955. The group was called Adoptive
Parents Committee, and it is still active
today. Not long after, in 1957, some families
involved in intercountry and transracial adoption
in Montreal, Canada started a group. The adoptive
parents felt they needed a support group to
help them deal with special issues that accompanied
these kinds of adoptions. This type of networking
rapidly became popular throughout Canada and
the United States. By the late 1960s, parents
in several cities in both countries began
to form similar organizations.
Until then, adoption in the United States
was almost exclusively restricted to healthy
Caucasian infants. By the late 1960s and early
1970s, however, when adoption expanded to
other kinds of children— those who were
older, had developmental disabilities, and
were from other countries or of mixed race—it
became evident that parents needed help beyond
that provided by agencies.
Even families who had adopted healthy infants
found themselves needing support for several
reasons. More adopted children insisted on
knowing who their birth parents were, and
some actively searched for them. Many adoptive
parents were stunned, having never imagined
they would one day face a possible reunion
of their adopted child and his or her birth
parents. They needed help to cope—and
it was parent groups to which they often turned.
Also, adoptive parents found children needing
support on other fronts. In some cases, the
expression of the normal adolescent need for
autonomy and independence seemed more intense
for adopted children. Some parents wanted
to know how other families told their children
they were adopted. Or they wondered what happened
when children were not told early and learned
of their adoptive status later in life. Information
and experiences exchanged by the parents were
invaluable.
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The Value of Adoptive
Parent Groups
Regardless of the type of adoption, an adoptive
parent group has value to the
- adoptive family;
- prospective adoptive family;
- child;
- social worker;
- waiting child; and
- legislative process.
Value to the Adoptive Family
Although many adoption agencies provide services
to families after the adoption has been finalized,
adoptive parent groups provide a different
kind of environment that often feels more
comfortable. The family can find a support
system and friendship. Parents can relate
easily to the advice and experience of those
who have been there. They are able to express
negative feelings about the child without
fear of judgment.
Parents of young children often are interested
in educational activities about general parenting
skills. Once children reach the age when they
become more aware of the adoption issue, the
support that groups can offer parents becomes
more important.
Value to the Prospective Adoptive Family
An adoptive parent group gives waiting families
an in-depth understanding of adoption and
enables them to hear first hand about the
successes and the problems that may be encountered.
They can probably meet others who have adopted
children similar to the one they want to adopt.
Families who have already adopted can offer
advice and guidance that makes the adoption
process more understandable and less threatening.
Value to the Child
Children benefit from knowing other children
who have been adopted and their parents. They
can share their feelings and concerns about
being adopted, about their birth parents,
and about their cultural heritages if they
were adopted from foreign countries.
Value to the Waiting Child
Through adoptive parent groups, more people
become aware of children with special needs
and feel comfortable entertaining the idea
of adopting such children. Through the groups,
directly and indirectly, more children are
adopted. Groups often include both adoptive
parents and people interested but not certain
they want to proceed. Being part of an adoptive
parent organization often gives the knowledge
and the confidence to move ahead into adoption.
Value to the Legislative Process
Parent groups have been the force behind
many of the valuable changes in adoption.
These changes have benefited children with
special needs and allowed parents to have
a stronger voice in many vital issues. For
example, parent groups were instrumental in
getting legislation passed in which the Federal
Government agreed to provide funds to expand
adoption opportunities for children. This
included making subsidized adoption a reality,
so that families who were qualified to adopt
but could not afford it were able to do so.
Parent groups have consistently testified
at hearings on a variety of child welfare
issues. The North
American Council on Adoptable Children,
a national adoption support group, developed
National
Adoption Awareness Month, which has brought
awareness about adoption to people throughout
the country.
Value to the Social Worker
Many adoption social workers were trained
only in the adoption of infants. Much of what
they have learned about adoption of children
with special needs has come from the experiences
of adoptive parents. This knowledge helps
them work more effectively with prospective
adoptive parents.
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Formation of Groups
Adoptive parent groups are formed in different
ways and around different issues. They may
spin off from an agency dealing with many
interested parents at the same time. They
may be a collection of parents from diverse
sources coming together around a common issue,
such as adopting children of mixed race. Subgroups
may form within a main group addressing special
interest areas or child age groups.
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Activities of Groups
Adoptive parent groups usually engage in
social, educational, and support activities.
The types of activities undertaken in each
category are listed below.
Social Activities
- Parties, including those focusing on the
culture and traditions of the children adopted
from other countries
- Potluck suppers
- Discussion groups for older children
- Holiday celebrations
- Night on the town just for parents
Educational Activities
- Production of newsletters about adoption
issues and newly adopted children of members
- Preparation for parenting through special
training
- Referrals to newsletters, books, and other
resource materials
- Referrals to appropriate agency and community
resources
- Providing up-to-date information on children
available for adoption
- Participation in agency staff training
and development
- Convening public information meetings
to discuss current adoption issues
- Educating legislative groups and Government
sources about child welfare issues
- Information on the foreign culture of
the children adopted internationally
Support Activities
- Postplacement support through a "buddy
system," "listening ear," telephone counseling,
crisis intervention, and assistance
- "While you wait" meetings for adoptive
applicants
- Special groups for special circumstances,
that is, single parents, parents of teenagers,
parents of disabled children, parents who
have adopted transracially, or divorced
parents
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Where to Find a Group
The resources listed below can help parents
seeking local or special interest adoptive
parent support groups.
The North
American Council on Adoptable Children
(NACAC), a nonprofit umbrella organization
of adoptive parent groups, was formed in 1974
as a coordinator for newly forming parent
groups. It facilitates information sharing
among groups, holds a national conference
and helps new groups start. Contact NACAC
at 970 Raymond Avenue, Suite 106, St. Paul,
MN 55114-1149, (612) 644- 3036.
Adoptive Families of America (AFA)
is a national parent group with chapters throughout
the country promoting domestic and intercountry
adoption. Contact AFA at 2309 Como Avenue,
St. Paul, MN 55108, (612) 535-4829 or (800)
372-3300.
Note by Adoptions.com:
AFA has ceased operations, the only remaining
part, Adoptive
Families Magazine, was sold in 1999.
Families
Adopting Children Everywhere (FACE)
is an adoptive parent support organization
in the Maryland and Washington, D.C. areas.
It gathers information about adoption resources
in the whole mid-Atlantic region. Contact
FACE at P.O. Box 28058 Northwood Station,
Baltimore, MD 21239, (410) 488- 2656.
Latin America
Parents Association (LAPA) is a support
group for parents who have adopted or wish
to adopt children from Latin America. Contact
LAPA at P.O. Box 339, Brooklyn, NY 11234,
(718) 236-8689. Other chapters are located
in Connecticut, Illinois, Maryland (Metropolitan
Washington, DC), New Jersey, and Pennsylvania.
The Committee
for Single Adoptive Parents is an
umbrella organization of single adoptive and
prospective adoptive parent support groups.
Its address is P.O. Box 15084, Chevy Chase,
MD 20825.
The
National Adoption Center (NAC) focuses
on the adoption of children with special needs.
Contact NAC at 1500 Walnut Street, Philadelphia,
PA 19102, (215) 735- 9988 or 1-800-TO-ADOPT.
The National
Adoption Information Clearinghouse,
330 C Street, SW, Washington, D.C. 20447,
(703) 352-3488 or 1 (888) 251-0075, has other
information about parent groups.
Adoption agencies or exchanges.
Newspapers and local magazines under listings
of support groups.
Telephone book Yellow Pages under adoption
or support groups.
This article was written by staff of the
National Adoption Center in 1989. It was revised
in July 1994 by Debra G. Smith, National Adoption
Information Clearinghouse.
Internet links added by Adoptions.com
2000 - 2003
For more information, contact the National
Adoption Information Clearinghouse at naic@calib.com.
